A better life (Memoir)

 I felt my world fall down when I was ten years old. The world I knew shifted. It seemed as though all I had ever known abruptly crumbled. And then everything began to fall apart. For a small child to feel that way seems quite dramatic, yet that's how it was for me at the time. The place i once called home doesn't seem to feel like home anymore. Instead, it's just a house that the ghosts of the past are hunting. Even though I was aware of what was going on, it took some time for it to truly sink in.

It resembled a wound that refused to mend. As I look into those contented families' grins, holding hands and living in their own world, I realize that time cannot mend it. I used to think that we were always like that—hand in hand and grinning together—but things have changed. The family I knew was no longer there. Something inside of me had been weakened by their separation. I grew cautious, afraid to show weakness, and afraid that I would get hurt again.

My walls grew more brittle as the years went by. I stopped depending on other people and started to distrust them. I think I could get by without help and that I could be on my own. And I kept thinking that way, which occasionally led to self-destructive behavior. The longer this went on, the more I realized. Is feeling hurt over something I can no longer control truly worth it? Is becoming harmed over something that has already happened worth it? Will I just live a life filled with repressed feelings of loneliness, betrayal, and rage for the rest of my life?

Those ideas persisted. I let my chest and heart to remain heavy. Then it dawned on me: why must I burden myself with such unfavorable feelings when I can simply let go? I realize it's easier said than done, but nobody can avoid the suffering and hardships that come with life. I'm releasing myself. I am aware that the past cannot be undone, reversed, or prevented, but I am also aware that my response to the circumstances will impact how I live now and in the future. a future devoid of pain and resentment. A future of forgiveness and no bitterness. to be able to let go of the suffering I endured in the past.